dear dear diary.i'm gonna rattle on and on.whatever it is.abt what's happened and what has been going on.i dunno what to say.where to start.but i guess i gotta let this out.and guess wad.i'm very sure he kinda blocked me on msn.sighh.i really dunno how i'm feeling now.numbed.by pain and hurt and disappointment.i've been hurt and played enough.
i can give everything up.sacrifice everything.my passion.time.effort.friends.chance for pre-u.just abt everything.whenever you're unhappy abt smth, i'm willing to change.willing to give up anything.just to see you by my side again.

but now.all i ask for is another wk of badz tourney tt'll make me happy.

it's e 28th of april today.10.45pm.the above section of crapp was actually written over the past few days.bleeaaaah.oh whatever.

so many things happened over the past wk.and i'm feeling really tired.stressed out.i'm really tired of having to think abt what he's doing. whether my actions will piss him off or things like tt.whether i'm gonna hav another blow from him-physically or mentally.i just feel tt i'm no longer someone in his heart anymore. no longer someone he really cherishes. no longer... i dunno dear diary. i dunno! i seem to break down whenever i think of him- the cold way he treats me.the hurt he brought me.the promises and words he said to me.that he'll be there for me, tt i'm e one he wants to be for e rest of his life, tt he loves me.
dear diary, i can't go on this way. i can't. it's too much for me. i wanna be happy again. i wanna feel special again. i wanna be cared for. i need his warm arms ard me again. to tell me tt i'm someone special, tt i'm a part in his life. but does he ever say tt to me anymore? NO. the ans is NO.

the above post is crapp.ignore.