ME
write anything about you all here
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
it's the start to a new journey
For this 2mths plus, i feel as if i've been under some kinda spell, some kinda trance, something that i've fallen very deeply into and got trapped somehow. Now, i find it so difficult to get myself outta this deeeeep hole. yeah maybe one day i will see light again, when i can actually find enough courage and determination to get outta it. =)
that's all i'd like to say about it for now becoz i'm trying my hardest to numb myself from what's happening and the shit that i'm getting from this as*hole. haha. it's logical isn't it? shit- from an as*hole. oooh. makes a whole lotta sense. oh wells. everything's over. just like that.
i really don't know why and what's wrong. why is it that i'm one girl who can't seem to stay long with a guy? and it always ends up in the same way... that he's sick and tired about everything and that i end up as someone who's just a bother to him. it's like i always tend to make the other party give it all up between us. dear diary, i don't want... and i won't ever have the courage to step into another relationship ever. at least, not till i'm out working, when i can actually open up my big eyes and look carefully. NO. means no. this's not the first time. i've had enough, really. i know mumi may say tt i've said this many times but i keep moving on like nothing happened, like i said nothing at all. However, this time it's different, because i know tt this time i'm not at fault and there's nothing for me to learn in terms of being a gd lifetime partner or anything. In fact, yeah maybe I was wrong in falling too easily. but i'm sorry. I've totally given up in finding the right one (at least for now). I can no longer believe in any guy now, no longer able to trust in any guy and never able to take in those promises that anyone ever makes in future. rayson promised me everything, gave me all that i could ever ask for, showed me care and concern and brought true joy and happiness to my life. vince promised me a lifetime of happiness, made me feel cherished and loved like never before, showed me how it's like to see things in life in a mature perspective and someone who brought warmth.just nice and comforting warmth... to me. he gave me a taste of fantasy in a fairytale and also a taste of the harsh reality. Who's to know such a thing would happen? I can never take anyone's sweeeet honeyed words anymore. never.
gonna crash cjc tmr. alone. booo. had a tough time trying to look for someone to help me out tmr. and after hours of searching, i managed to get priscilla! i'll be going to potong pasir mrt stn to get the IJ uniform from mirabel first before heading to cjc. woo-hoo! i'm sooo excited. and the day after that, we'll be going to get our results! oops. i think i'd better let mumi know tmr morning before i leave. it's not right to do that...
that's all i'd like to say about it for now becoz i'm trying my hardest to numb myself from what's happening and the shit that i'm getting from this as*hole. haha. it's logical isn't it? shit- from an as*hole. oooh. makes a whole lotta sense. oh wells. everything's over. just like that.
i really don't know why and what's wrong. why is it that i'm one girl who can't seem to stay long with a guy? and it always ends up in the same way... that he's sick and tired about everything and that i end up as someone who's just a bother to him. it's like i always tend to make the other party give it all up between us. dear diary, i don't want... and i won't ever have the courage to step into another relationship ever. at least, not till i'm out working, when i can actually open up my big eyes and look carefully. NO. means no. this's not the first time. i've had enough, really. i know mumi may say tt i've said this many times but i keep moving on like nothing happened, like i said nothing at all. However, this time it's different, because i know tt this time i'm not at fault and there's nothing for me to learn in terms of being a gd lifetime partner or anything. In fact, yeah maybe I was wrong in falling too easily. but i'm sorry. I've totally given up in finding the right one (at least for now). I can no longer believe in any guy now, no longer able to trust in any guy and never able to take in those promises that anyone ever makes in future. rayson promised me everything, gave me all that i could ever ask for, showed me care and concern and brought true joy and happiness to my life. vince promised me a lifetime of happiness, made me feel cherished and loved like never before, showed me how it's like to see things in life in a mature perspective and someone who brought warmth.just nice and comforting warmth... to me. he gave me a taste of fantasy in a fairytale and also a taste of the harsh reality. Who's to know such a thing would happen? I can never take anyone's sweeeet honeyed words anymore. never.
gonna crash cjc tmr. alone. booo. had a tough time trying to look for someone to help me out tmr. and after hours of searching, i managed to get priscilla! i'll be going to potong pasir mrt stn to get the IJ uniform from mirabel first before heading to cjc. woo-hoo! i'm sooo excited. and the day after that, we'll be going to get our results! oops. i think i'd better let mumi know tmr morning before i leave. it's not right to do that...
scrambling away into darkness at 7:21 AM
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