ME
write anything about you all here
Thursday, February 02, 2006
i'll not lose heart
I've tried my best to make you see
There's hope beyond the pain
If we give enough
If we learn to trust
But only love can stay
Try again or walk away
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can make you see it through
That's something only love can do
I know if I could find the words
To touch you deep inside
You'll give my dreams just one more chance
To let this be our last goodbye
But only love can stay
Try again or walk away
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can make you see it through
That's something only love can do
the above is just a couple of verses from this song: Only Love
I've no idea why i'm actually doing this at all but again, it's all for him. once again, he tells me all about the pleasure and joy he finds in condemning peeple but actually feeling good about it. i don't know what, why, how and when he had this particular image or mask of himself. Time tells, my friend. it does. i've a feeling tt probably i'm reading too much into this and that maybe he's not really tt horrible as he claims to be or as how i perceive it. however, i actually heard it from his own mouth that he enjoys and doesn't care much about how others feel when they're condemned just because it's not him getting hurt.
hey vince, look here. i'm not talking about daryl or any person you detest and condemn to the core, but YOU. daryl is my good friend and a nice person too, at least from what i know during this one mth. but he one thing's for sure- he doesn't well deserve all this shit from you ppl. and if others don't do it, it doesn't mean you have to. i know everyone has heard this line over and over again, but it's true. at least in this case. if someone starts to talk abt this particular person and you happen not to like him for some heck reason, umm. well it's okay to "express your views" abt him and just say anything you feel about him, but not going around telling others about his problems. yeah of course i know it IS indeed funny and actually entertaining to talk and laugh over some ppl, but at e end of e day, you'll still feel really bad about it as you know that you won't like ppl talking bad about you too.
What goes around comes around. and yes, i know you may say that these ppl ought to be condemned and tt you don't care abt how they feel as you're the one who's calling the shots now. my dear vince, i know you've gone through and experienced what others will never have to go through in their lives, but don't. don't let that affect how you turn out to be as a person. It's not only you who went through all that shit my dear. i experienced similar to what you went through too. don't seek revenge. please. it'll not do you any good at the end of the day, trust me. YOU know how it feels to be condemned. don't do it to others.! seek to UNDERSTAND them. everything happens for a reason, and i'm sure everyone has their own reasons. i once hated this person and condemned him to the max. i couldn't stand the sight of him or even the thought of him. but one night changed it all. all this while i only had one mindset abt him, that he was a loser in sch and nobody actually bothers much abt him. i was wrong. after that night, i understood everything, why, how and what made him such a person he is now. and i found out that he isn't that bad a person i thought he was after all. i could even tell my fren who detested him to change her mindset, though i kept the guy's personal stuff to myself. do try to understand them. and ask yourself: what exactly is it that you dun like of them? why do you dislike them so much? if they're really horrible ppl, then fine, stay away from them. that's all.
BE a person with moral values. I know you are fond of xiuting. it's a fact that can't be denied and i don't wish to deceive myself too. It's a painful fact, but it's the truth. She's also one girl with values and someone who may be the right one for you after all this while. she may be the one, who will be able to understand you fully and bring out the best in you. it's okay. i've learnt to be more mature in such stuff already and will just see things in a better light. I really love you and thus all I wish to see is you being truthfully and sincerely happy. you just have no idea how it feels to have tt jealousy prick into you as you feel the hurt whenever you speak of xt and you being so close and knowing that it's another girl who's always by your side, there for you... and not me. up to this stage, i really don't know if I'm being dumb or just dumb, seriously. I feel as if I'm the only one treating this whole thing seriously. If I don't mean anything much to you, make it clear to me. I really feel like a total dumbo, to have told you about daryl's confession. i can only blame myself to trust you with everything. you're a person, whom i've yet to know deep within. and when the day comes to which i see the whole of you, i know i'll be the one suffering in pain and feeling hurt. but i don't care. you are someone special to me, just like how sham is someone who matters alot to me. and i'll do whatever it takes to protect you and stop you from being upset or broken up inside. i know i mean NOTHING to you now. someone insignificant whom you just can't wait to get rid of. let me know, and i'll go. why did i still stick with sham even after I know she can be nasty to ppl? NO. please. it isn't coz i wanna GAIN smth from her. it isn't true. she just happened to be my bestie and all i want is her to stay happy and enjoy her life in the right way. i know i've no control over anyone's life and i know i'm not some almight great master, but i do hope i can make an impact on ppl's lives and make them realise true happiness.
yeah i sound like some great master or smth rite. i know. tt's what mumi always says.tt i can't even take care of my own problems but yet i think i'm so great. i do think of isaac and mumi too. but mumi, sometimes being a teenager, i wanna be accepted, i wanna be with my friends, to have fun. and i'm sorry, for not being able to control myself well and pushing my limits too far at times. i'm really sorry. but i'm really trying to be as gd a person as a i am now. i know isaac suffers alot too, as only a p6 boy. he went through some phases in life which a normal p6 boy isn't supposed to be going through. and i do feel sad for him. i do. i'm so sorry isaac, tt your sister here isn't a good one. one who doesn't know how to show my care and concern for you but only to outsiders. but do you know.tt i pray hard for you and mumi every nite. i just wanna see ppl ard me living life the way they know they will not regret it in their late years.
why am i holding on? why? why?? tell me why, dear diary... tell me!! why do i bother holding on to this painful relationship tt brings me tears every single night? i'm just waiting for the Os to be released, so that i'll be able to know if things btwn me and vince are ever gonna work out. i really hope it does. i lost rayson and i don't ever wanna lose someone i love again. but if we're just not meant to be.. like if he starts to fall for xiuting or anything like tt, i'll just have to let him go. but of course, i don't wish this to turn out to be a one-sided affair.
as for daryl, i can't deny that he's a nice person and someone whom i can be really close to, but i guess we're just friends and we'll stay as that, at least for e time being. it has only been a month...
*-- trying my best. i'll not lose heart. i'll still be here for you shld you need someone to understand. i don't mind suffering in the end of it all.
There's hope beyond the pain
If we give enough
If we learn to trust
But only love can stay
Try again or walk away
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can make you see it through
That's something only love can do
I know if I could find the words
To touch you deep inside
You'll give my dreams just one more chance
To let this be our last goodbye
But only love can stay
Try again or walk away
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can make you see it through
That's something only love can do
the above is just a couple of verses from this song: Only Love
I've no idea why i'm actually doing this at all but again, it's all for him. once again, he tells me all about the pleasure and joy he finds in condemning peeple but actually feeling good about it. i don't know what, why, how and when he had this particular image or mask of himself. Time tells, my friend. it does. i've a feeling tt probably i'm reading too much into this and that maybe he's not really tt horrible as he claims to be or as how i perceive it. however, i actually heard it from his own mouth that he enjoys and doesn't care much about how others feel when they're condemned just because it's not him getting hurt.
hey vince, look here. i'm not talking about daryl or any person you detest and condemn to the core, but YOU. daryl is my good friend and a nice person too, at least from what i know during this one mth. but he one thing's for sure- he doesn't well deserve all this shit from you ppl. and if others don't do it, it doesn't mean you have to. i know everyone has heard this line over and over again, but it's true. at least in this case. if someone starts to talk abt this particular person and you happen not to like him for some heck reason, umm. well it's okay to "express your views" abt him and just say anything you feel about him, but not going around telling others about his problems. yeah of course i know it IS indeed funny and actually entertaining to talk and laugh over some ppl, but at e end of e day, you'll still feel really bad about it as you know that you won't like ppl talking bad about you too.
What goes around comes around. and yes, i know you may say that these ppl ought to be condemned and tt you don't care abt how they feel as you're the one who's calling the shots now. my dear vince, i know you've gone through and experienced what others will never have to go through in their lives, but don't. don't let that affect how you turn out to be as a person. It's not only you who went through all that shit my dear. i experienced similar to what you went through too. don't seek revenge. please. it'll not do you any good at the end of the day, trust me. YOU know how it feels to be condemned. don't do it to others.! seek to UNDERSTAND them. everything happens for a reason, and i'm sure everyone has their own reasons. i once hated this person and condemned him to the max. i couldn't stand the sight of him or even the thought of him. but one night changed it all. all this while i only had one mindset abt him, that he was a loser in sch and nobody actually bothers much abt him. i was wrong. after that night, i understood everything, why, how and what made him such a person he is now. and i found out that he isn't that bad a person i thought he was after all. i could even tell my fren who detested him to change her mindset, though i kept the guy's personal stuff to myself. do try to understand them. and ask yourself: what exactly is it that you dun like of them? why do you dislike them so much? if they're really horrible ppl, then fine, stay away from them. that's all.
BE a person with moral values. I know you are fond of xiuting. it's a fact that can't be denied and i don't wish to deceive myself too. It's a painful fact, but it's the truth. She's also one girl with values and someone who may be the right one for you after all this while. she may be the one, who will be able to understand you fully and bring out the best in you. it's okay. i've learnt to be more mature in such stuff already and will just see things in a better light. I really love you and thus all I wish to see is you being truthfully and sincerely happy. you just have no idea how it feels to have tt jealousy prick into you as you feel the hurt whenever you speak of xt and you being so close and knowing that it's another girl who's always by your side, there for you... and not me. up to this stage, i really don't know if I'm being dumb or just dumb, seriously. I feel as if I'm the only one treating this whole thing seriously. If I don't mean anything much to you, make it clear to me. I really feel like a total dumbo, to have told you about daryl's confession. i can only blame myself to trust you with everything. you're a person, whom i've yet to know deep within. and when the day comes to which i see the whole of you, i know i'll be the one suffering in pain and feeling hurt. but i don't care. you are someone special to me, just like how sham is someone who matters alot to me. and i'll do whatever it takes to protect you and stop you from being upset or broken up inside. i know i mean NOTHING to you now. someone insignificant whom you just can't wait to get rid of. let me know, and i'll go. why did i still stick with sham even after I know she can be nasty to ppl? NO. please. it isn't coz i wanna GAIN smth from her. it isn't true. she just happened to be my bestie and all i want is her to stay happy and enjoy her life in the right way. i know i've no control over anyone's life and i know i'm not some almight great master, but i do hope i can make an impact on ppl's lives and make them realise true happiness.
yeah i sound like some great master or smth rite. i know. tt's what mumi always says.tt i can't even take care of my own problems but yet i think i'm so great. i do think of isaac and mumi too. but mumi, sometimes being a teenager, i wanna be accepted, i wanna be with my friends, to have fun. and i'm sorry, for not being able to control myself well and pushing my limits too far at times. i'm really sorry. but i'm really trying to be as gd a person as a i am now. i know isaac suffers alot too, as only a p6 boy. he went through some phases in life which a normal p6 boy isn't supposed to be going through. and i do feel sad for him. i do. i'm so sorry isaac, tt your sister here isn't a good one. one who doesn't know how to show my care and concern for you but only to outsiders. but do you know.tt i pray hard for you and mumi every nite. i just wanna see ppl ard me living life the way they know they will not regret it in their late years.
why am i holding on? why? why?? tell me why, dear diary... tell me!! why do i bother holding on to this painful relationship tt brings me tears every single night? i'm just waiting for the Os to be released, so that i'll be able to know if things btwn me and vince are ever gonna work out. i really hope it does. i lost rayson and i don't ever wanna lose someone i love again. but if we're just not meant to be.. like if he starts to fall for xiuting or anything like tt, i'll just have to let him go. but of course, i don't wish this to turn out to be a one-sided affair.
as for daryl, i can't deny that he's a nice person and someone whom i can be really close to, but i guess we're just friends and we'll stay as that, at least for e time being. it has only been a month...
*-- trying my best. i'll not lose heart. i'll still be here for you shld you need someone to understand. i don't mind suffering in the end of it all.
scrambling away into darkness at 7:43 AM
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